So, this Spring/Summer I seem to have expanded my clothing horizons a little bit. I’m embracing crop tops (mentally, I’m sure I’ll invest soon), patterns and I’ve been eyeing up a neon orange maxi skirt lately. However, there are certain trends which seem to be making an appearance this season, which I am really not happy about.
- Dungarees. Jesus Christ, why? I can accept pinafores, they are quite cute. And I totally love playsuits. But dungarees are like a horrific combination of the two and they look good on nobody. Especially the long ones, they’re even worse.
- Dip hems. I didn’t like them when they first came out, I still don’t like them now. I don’t like them on tops, jumpers, dresses or skirts. They’re just unflattering: ‘ooh yes lets all wear tops which flash our vaginas (sorry) and yet cover up one of our best assets at the back’. Don’t think so.
- Long shorts. I wore these when I was about 12 and thought I was the height of cool. I wasn’t. And neither are the people who wear them now.
- Garishly patterned leggings. If they’re tight trousers in an on-trend, acceptable print then it’s fine. But these particular ones I so carefully selected are shiny graffiti print. Need I say more?
- Beanies. It was 18 degrees today, and you look like you have a condom on your head: sort it out.
- Super high platforms. I’m over platforms now, it’s all about the mid heel court shoe. So super high one are not cool with me. I like being able to feel the ground through my shoes, and not being taller than my 6’4″ boyfriend.
- Ridiculously large floral headbands. I bought a really cute headband the other day – it was half price in the Sainsbury’s girls’ hair accessory section. It has a daisy on the side; it’s the size of a normal flower, and not larger than my head so it’s okay.
- Circular sunglasses. I just hate these sooooo much. So much. I wish a law could be passed to ban these utter monstrosities.
- Neon animal prints. I don’t like neons, and you have to be careful with animal prints anyway. Sometimes combining two lots of tackiness magically makes things okay: in this case it doesn’t.
- Mom jeans. They’re unflattering, and should be left in the 80s where they belong.
- Denim skater skirts. Okay, I really want to like these, I honestly do. But when I was about 15 I bought one from H&M and had to get in in about a size 16 before it would do up – nothing wrong with that if you ARE a size 16, but I’m a 10. It’s scarred me for life and I don’t think I can ever love them again.
Now I need to know your opinions on these trends. And let me know if you think I’ve missed out anything vitally important – I’m sure there are some more complete shockers out there.